Thank you, Daniel Cummings

Dear Principal Cummings-

As a mom to a first-grader, and a teacher with experience in nearly every demographic and age-level possible over the past twenty years I want to say thank you. Thank you for keeping kids safe. Thank you for following procedures as they were established. (I know the procedures were followed because that’s what you said in your letter to parents. This was confirmed by Leslie Weaver- Director of Communications at your school- as well as the Police Chief. Everyone involved followed procedure. So bravo!

As a fellow person interested only in the safety of students, however, I thought I would give a tip for possible safety procedure revisions. This is based, again, on my experience in the classroom. Here goes. If something strikes me as having the potential to explode, I generally try to leave it where it is and get the students away from it. Not being educated as an explosives expert, I just don’t trust myself not to make the darn thing go off. I also encourage the other people in the building to evacuate because you know, bombs explode and that’s scary. But I guess the teachers you have are just super brave. Or maybe they all have training in bomb detonation, in which case I’m impressed with your use of professional days!

I do have one lesson I have taken from your procedures, and that is to assume anything in my classroom could be a bomb, even if the student insists it is not. Of course, in order to strike terror among the people they hate, terrorists generally tell people something IS a bomb. That way they can get what they want. But I mean, who knows? Terrorists these days, Amiright? The only problem with this new procedure I’ve learned from you is that I am getting very little actual teaching done, since we are spending so much time arresting students. This week alone I have had to send students to jail over a violin, (have you seen mob movies?) a metronome (it ticks!) and a xylophone. Because if it was a “musical instrument” why was it rainbow-colored? (I suspected it was because of her liberal gay agenda, but I couldn’t get any information from the criminal on this issue as she kept crying that she had to potty and needed a snack. Terrorists are getting younger and younger.)

So anyway, thank you, Principal Cummings. I’m sure you absolutely, totally, just genuinely thought it was a bomb.

Even though the clock-maker said it was a clock. And the police said it was a clock. And no one behaved as if it was anything other than a clock. You’ve done your job, you have no need to apologize, and you have rid your school of a threat.

And by threat, I clearly mean super-smart kid who makes clocks.


Thoroughly Modern Mommy

Want to let Daniel Cummings know how much you appreciate his work? His email is:

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