Confessions of a High Achiever 

I have a confession to make. For those who know me personally, it’s one that will shock you. And I’m probably breaking some kind of Alpha Mom Code by saying it. But I cannot pretend any longer. 

I hate being busy. 

We all talk about how busy we are. And honestly, I am the queen of busy. Look at me! I can be a freelance performing arts teacher and blogger while advocating for my child’s special needs, all while keeping up a social life! Wheeeeeee!!!!

When I was in the first grade, I remember telling my teacher (quite proudly!) that I had an activity after school every single day. 

In high school I won the top service award for my senior class. This was just code for This Girl Is Crazy Busy. 

My freshman year of college I was a cheerleader for women’s basketball. I would cheer for the women, run into the bathroom to change, and play in the pep band for the men. This only stopped because the schedules changed and they stopped being double headers. 

It’s been part of my personality my whole life. So it makes sense that by February of this year I was teaching 20 classes a week during the school day, 15 piano lessons a week in the afternoons, and ending my week teaching 2-hour classes at homeless shelters. All while getting my daughter settled in a new school. 

It was a decent amount of money. And everyone wanted me to teach for them. 

And I was miserable. 

If I wasn’t literally standing in front of students teaching, I could hardly have a conversation without crying. I was grumpy and snapped at my family. We didn’t have clean laundry or groceries and we were constantly eating at restaurants because I had no energy to deal. Most of the house looked like this. 


Now, a lot of this was out of necessity. A series of events led to me being the primary breadwinner of the family. My husband was working like crazy, but new businesses don’t provide immediately. 

But a lot of it was beyond that. Being busy had become my lifestyle, and my habit, and quite frankly, a bit of a bragging right. People want me! Hooray! Look at how many people want me!

But I knew something had to change. We were told over and over by therapists that we needed absolute consistency for our daughter to manage her anxiety. And I couldn’t do it. For a while, I was hard on myself. I blamed my own mental illness on my inability to provide consistency. I just couldn’t give enough. I couldn’t do enough. I couldn’t BE enough. 

Then, a friend offered to start a gofundme campaign for our family. The money we raised allowed me to say no to working like a crazy person. (Still working! Just not like a crazy person.) And the answer to our chaos seemed clear. 

In order to declutter our lives, I would need to declutter my schedule. 

Right now, I am sitting at the kitchen table. There are healthy snacks here, and I am sharing them with my husband, who has space to work. We just had a calm discussion about transportation for the afternoon. (Complicated, when we only have one car, I teach piano lessons in students’ homes, and our daughter has therapy every day until 6…) I know what is happening for the week. I know what we’re eating  and when I’ll do laundry and how much money we have and what bills are coming up. And this is very different indeed. 

Over the past month, I have decluttered my schedule. Our lives are still very much works in progress. But for the next few weeks I’ll share what we’ve done. Maybe we can all declutter together!

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