I was lying on the floor, and I realized- I felt relaxed. It was a strange feeling. I hadn’t felt that way in close to a year. But there it was. Soft muscles. Clear mind.
It reminded me of another moment of self-awareness I had recently. One that had to do with strength. I felt strong. That felt different. I knew I had felt strong before. But it had been so long it seemed new.
Both of these moments came during hot yoga classes. They were my first real work-outs in months. And they were bringing me back to who I was before the chaos began.
And yet. Another feeling followed. Guilt.
I shouldn’t be spending all this time and money on feeling relaxed and strong when there are so many things to do at home.
I did my best to say hello to that feeling, and then ask it to go away. I know it is important to take care of myself. I know I need to be healthy- physically and emotionally- to take care of my family. But it takes mental work. Especially when our house is (still) such a mess and our bank account is (still) so low.
I will keep fighting my brain on this. Because I know that self-care is as important as any other element in taking care of my family. And because I know that a healthy Mama is a more effective Mama.
There are other benefits, of course. I look back over pictures from the past 8 years, and the difference is clear. I don’t need to see the date on the pic to know whether I was healthy or unhealthy when it was taken. Sure, there’s a weight difference. (Something that was not part of my life until I hit about 37 and then BAM.) But I can also see the difference in my posture and the look in my eyes.
The past year has been the most difficult of my life. I have gone from eating well and working out several times a week and running long distances, to eating whatever is fast and convenient and hurting when I get out of bed because of the tension and stress. As we heal and recover and declutter our lives, it is time for me to declutter my body.
Body Clutter
12 Jun 2017 2 Comments
in Fitness, Mental Health, Uncategorized Tags: bodybcluttee, Depression, Fitness, running
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